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Writer's pictureStephen Scherer, Ph.D.
3 min read

Caring for a Loved One at Life's End - Part 2, Holding Vigil

By Stephen Scherer, Ph.D.

Clinical Psychologist



Holding vigil for a dying loved one

In the last post we discussed caring for a loved one and the challenges faced. Watching as a loved one is nearing the end of life is an emotionally charged and deeply personal experience. It's a journey filled with profound love, immense grief, and the need to balance the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of both yourself and your loved one. The aim of this post is to discuss a practical way to balance these needs in the form of holding vigil.


When a family member nears the end of their life, it's a natural desire to surround them with love and support and a vigil can be a profound way to do just that. A vigil is intended to be a peaceful act of devotion or love where a family member's well-being and comfort are diligently supported. Planning a meaningful vigil can create a calming space for your loved one and an opportunity for shared memories, emotional support, and peaceful goodbyes.


Why Plan a Vigil?

Planning a vigil is important for several reasons:

  • Personalized Support: Tailoring the vigil to your loved one's wishes and preferences ensures it reflects their individuality and brings them comfort in what can be a scary time for many.

  • Reduced Stress: Having a plan relieves the burdens family and friends experience during an already stressful time.

  • Share Memories: Planned activities like reflecting on past joys, music, or photo sharing can foster a strong sense of connection with your loved one and give them a profound feeling of being appreciated, supported, and loved. It also gives them the opportunity to hear how they have impacted your life and the lives of those they love.

  • Spiritual Meaning: Integrating religious or cultural practices can provide comfort and strengthen shared understanding. This can often have a powerful impact on the individual and give them comfort in a time of uncertainty.

  • Emotional Preparation: The planning process itself can initiate important conversations about death and dying and can facilitate the grieving process.


Planning Steps:

  1. Gather Information: Discuss wishes with your loved one if possible. Talk to family and friends to understand their needs and preferences.

  2. Logistics: Decide on location (home, hospital, hospice, etc.), duration, and schedule. Consider rotating shifts if it's a longer vigil or if you are unsure when your loved one may pass.

  3. Comfort & Atmosphere: Create a calming environment with your loved one's preferred lighting, scents, music, and personal items.

  4. Activities: Consider reading their favorite books or passages from spiritual texts, sharing memories, playing music, praying, or simply being present. Respect moments of silence - not every moment needs to be "filled". Often times it can be a profound experience for your loved one to simply to sit with you by their side.

  5. Practicalities: Arrange meals, snacks, and beverages for those helping with the vigil.

  6. Spiritual Aspects: Include religious or cultural practices that hold significance for your loved one and family and consult with religious or spiritual leaders as appropriate.

  7. Grief Support: Discuss coping skills and acknowledge everyone's emotional needs. Consider contacting grief support services if you or your loved one would benefit from professional guidance.




An image of heaven


Remember: Every vigil is unique and should reflect your loved one's personality, wishes, and your family's needs. With thoughtful planning and open communication, you can create a space for shared comfort, connection, closure, and a meaningful farewell.


*Note: This blog post is intended for informational purposes and does not substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals for personalized guidance.


 

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